


You're the only prayer I need to make me feel blessed

by findyourwayhome



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-08-15 08:43:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8049739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/findyourwayhome/pseuds/findyourwayhome
Summary: Lu Han’s soulmate words finally appear on his wrist long after he decides that he doesn’t really need them. Lu Han’s soulmate appears right after he decides that he’s not going to look for him, not just yet. Or: The soulmates!au that should be real life.





	You're the only prayer I need to make me feel blessed

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for Round 5 of [selubration](http://selubration.livejournal.com/), prompt #352, and it can also be found [here](http://selubration.livejournal.com/87771.html)! I love that song loads (less so the singer herself hehe) and it was just calling out for soulmates!au to be written. I hope the original prompter likes it! I didn't put this in the warnings because technically, the Korean age of consent is 13, but Sehun is just shy of 18 in this fic’s rated scene. Please avoid if this bothers you.

 

 

> _All I know is we said, "Hello."_  
>  And your eyes look like coming home  
>  All I know is a simple name  
>  Everything has changed  
>  All I know is you held the door  
>  You'll be mine and I'll be yours  
>  All I know since yesterday is everything has changed  
>  \- **Taylor Swift feat. Ed Sheeran, Everything Has Changed**

 

 

Lu Han is two when his mother drops him as she misses a step. She stumbles, flings an arm out to steady herself but Lu Han slips from her hold and falls to the ground in seeming slow motion. She twists and catches him just in time to cradle his head. It’s enough to prevent any severe damage to Lu Han, but a sharp rock on the ground catches him on his tiny wrist. The cut is deep and wide enough that it scars.  
  
  
  
  
Lu Han never quite understood the fuss about _words_. He doesn’t understand why his parents anxiously check his wrist every day, holding it up to the light for a better look. He doesn’t understand the big to-do there is when his cousin gets hers at age six, and he doesn’t understand when he overhears his parents talking to his auntie in hushed tones, “—it’s better to keep her at home. Better to be safe than sorry, the fortune tellers are hardly ever wrong about the words.”  
  
“Aiyah, I’m just glad Xiao Lin got hers finally. I had almost lost hope that she would get any.” Third Aunt whispers back. “How’s your boy? Developing any signs yet?”  
  
That’s when all three adults instinctively turn towards the doorway and spot Lu Han standing there, trying to look as innocent as a five-year-old with mud stains on his shirt can look.  
  
  
  
  
Lu Han is eleven when his words finally start developing. It’s been so long that his parents had given up hope that Lu Han would have any, assuming that he had become an interesting statistic, the 3.85% of the world’s population with no soulmate. His friends in school all have them by now: distinct black lettering across their wrists, some small and neat, others large and sprawling. Usually, children develop their words around ages three to six, after all.  
  
Lu Han doesn’t mind so much and has long stopped wondering if he would get the black letters too. In fact, when it first happens, he thinks it’s his old wound acting up, because it starts as what looks like a bruise against the silvery scar tissue on his left wrist.  
  
He doesn’t mention anything, and no one notices for a long time because he tries to keep the scar out of sight most of the time, anyway. It’s only when the lines start forming more clearly that he realises his words have finally arrived.  
  
He’s fascinated, but something tells him that his parents are not going to be as excited as he is when he notices that the characters aren’t Chinese. He studies the odd black lines that can be seen on his skin, their full forms broken by the line of mottled flesh across his wrist. Lu Han can see enough that it’s not in his native tongue, but he can’t figure out what it says or what language it might be just yet.  
  
His mother discovers it four months after the black of his words had well and truly developed. He had been careless as he helped her wash some vegetables for dinner and it takes him a while to realise that she has been standing stock still beside him for some time, staring at his wrist as he shakes out drops of water clinging to the leaves.  
  
Instinctively, he covers it with his other hand and starts to say, “Oh this, I’m not sure what it is. It just started appearing—”  
  
He cuts off his excuses because his mother abruptly grabs his wrist, bearing down on it firmly until he has no choice but to show it to her. He’s pulled nearer to a lamp in the kitchen so the lines show up in clear relief against his white skin.  
  
She runs a finger over the words and says sharply, “Not Chinese! And not even complete. I should have known. So the fortune teller was right.”  
  
Lu Han doesn’t know what she means and stares in alarm as the anger from her face fades and morphs into worry. “I’m so sorry, Lu Han” she says. “I’m so sorry.” As if it’s her fault that his words developed funny.  
  
  
  
  
If Lu Han thought his parents would finally be happy that his words had formed, he’s quickly forced to reconsider this opinion. It’s comes as a huge shock when he finds out that they had consulted a fortune teller once it became clear his words were not developing. His fortune had read that when – or if – his words had eventually formed, it would be in another language and Lu Han would never live up to his parents expectations.  
  
Lu Han understands his parents’ disappointment, slightly, but he doesn’t want to put much stock in a fortune teller’s ramblings and wishes his parents would do the same. It’s not like he’s going to up and become an axe murderer now that he’s discovered his soulmate’s name isn’t fully visible or something. Maybe Lu Han wouldn’t ever become a super-rich business magnate, but he knows he’d try to be a dutiful son. He _is_ his parents’ son, after all.  
  
It’s easier said than done. From the time his mother discovers his words, he’s smothered with their concern, and his parents act like any moment he might disappear from their lives. They tell him that he’s the only son they have and pressure him to study hard, signing him up for cram schools and additional tuition lessons.  
  
They consult another fortune teller. It only makes things worse, of course. His new fortune now that his words have developed says that he will never return for good once he goes abroad.  
  
Lu Han’s parents resolve never to let him travel, despite his protests that the name is clearly foreign and there’s no way he’s going to find his soulmate if he doesn’t do anything about it. Every time the topic comes up, his parents press their lips together in sadness, and urge him to work harder for his future. He tries to ask why, once, and his mother had snapped, “I’m not spending all this effort bringing you up to have you turn out to be an unfilial son who doesn’t know his duty.”  
  
It stung, that his parents measured him and his actions in the future by a set of words etched on his wrist.  
  
  
  
  
Once Lu Han realises that his words are Korean, he spends all his free time not spent on studying learning the language. Even so, he still can’t fully read the words on his wrist because it’s incomplete in places, the scar like a blanket of uncertainty, blocking out the identity of his soulmate.  
  
In school, almost everyone has a Chinese name on their wrist. There’s a girl in his neighbouring class who has a Korean name like his, but hers is clearly formed, and she tells him proudly, “Kim Woobin. I’m going to look for him once I graduate from high school.” There’s yet another girl with an English name on her wrist. The fortune tellers had said that the name indicated great prosperity to come. Her parents had been so proud.  
  
Lu Han had been proud that his words had finally developed, at first. He would follow the lines of the characters on his wrist with a finger, and lie in bed imagining what his soulmate would be like. Would she have big eyes with long lashes? Would she be the opposite of him, or have a similar personality? Would his mother love her, happy to have the daughter she never had?  
  
Thoughts of his parents inevitably bring him down to earth, and the pleasure of finally having his own soulmate, someone he knows is out there, waiting for him, is marred by the sadness that he’ll always be something of a disappointment to them.  
  
  
  
  
It takes Lu Han a year to decide to cover up his wrist.  
  
It’s not a common thing to do, but some people do cover up their words when they feel uncomfortable with sharing the information. Usually it’s celebrities who want to protect their privacy, or athletes in competitive sports who want to reduce the number of things an opponent can trash talk during a game. Sometimes, rich businessmen cover up their wrists to avoid having to turn away dozens of people named Zhang Wei or Wang Yi, all vying to be their potential soulmate.  
  
For Lu Han, he’s simply tired of people asking him why his words look strange, what do they mean? Even worse are the looks of pity, and the whispers of, “he’ll never find his soulmate like that”. He buys a wrist guard and clasps it over the half-formed words on his arm.  
  
  
  
  
Lu Han grows older. He eventually realises that even if he studied every minute of the day, his parents are still never going to be happy with him, so he studies less, goes out to play and actually makes friends. He’s introduced to DBSK by his classmates and sings along loudly during karaoke sessions. He picks up dance in school and practices it hard, determined to become a pop idol one day. He learns to live for himself, rather than a nameless soulmate he’s not sure he’ll ever find, or for the expectations of his parents.  
  
He still picks up Korean officially as a second language in school. Although he wears his wrist guard almost all the time, and tells all his friends that he no longer cares if he ever finds his soulmate, he sometimes takes it off and traces the characters that are visible under his scar, trying to guess the words they might possibly form under his breath. He doesn’t dare say them out loud, as if in doing so, something in the universe might change.  
  
His parents remain quietly disapproving. Sometimes they get into huge fights when he talks about _when_ , not _if_ he goes to Korea.  
  
One day he has a fit of sudden anger, so upset because his father had yelled, “stop chasing these stupid dreams of yours! What future is there in being a pop star? Don’t use this as an excuse to run to Korea and find your soulmate!”  
  
Something seizes up inside his chest, a culmination of years of feeling like he’s a burden, a disappointment, _abnormal_ , and he screams back.  
  
“Once I graduate, I’m going to Korea to become an idol, and that’s final! I don’t care what you think of me, I’m going.”  
  
Anger and frustration help him make it to his room before he collapses onto his bed and is overcome with sobs. He hates his father for being so unreasonable, his mother for never saying anything, his soulmate for being so _different_. He wishes his words had never formed.  
  
He wakes in the morning exhausted and terrified that the name might have faded in the night because he dared to wish away his soulmate, and takes off his wrist guard in a hurry.  
  
The words are still there, familiar but meaningless. He smooths a finger over the still-distinct characters.  
  
At eighteen, Lu Han graduates from high school and applies to universities in Korea. He’s offered a place at Yonsei University. His father rages. His mother quietly weeps. Then they send him off, if not with their blessing, at least with grudging support, and more tears.  
  
  
  
  
Lu Han changes to a lightweight secure wrist guard when he moves to Korea, the kind that has a combination lock and can’t be wrenched off, whether by accident or on purpose.  
  
He decides that he doesn’t need the extra grief of not being taken seriously, of being thought to only be in Korea to find his soulmate. He’s determined to make it big, and prove to his parents that finding his soulmate and being a good son aren’t mutually exclusive things.  
  
It’s difficult at first, making ends meet while studying and auditioning, and every rejection is a bitter pill to swallow. He spends many days filled with self-doubt, but he can’t give up. Not yet.  
  
It takes Lu Han two years of failed auditions before he’s finally scouted on the streets and accepted into SM Entertainment.  
  
He feels right at home from the start. He’s just like everyone else in the company, not someone with a weird half-formed name on his wrist. Instead, he’s simply another boy chasing a dream. All the other trainees he meets wear wrist guards – privacy is a treasured commodity in the industry, instilled right from the beginning by instructors and managers. Lu Han gets extra brownie points when the company finds out that he’s been wearing a wrist guard almost right from the time his words formed. There’s no knowing what fans would do upon finding out an idol’s soulmate name.  
  
He quickly makes friends with another Chinese trainee called Yixing, and Lu Han appreciates having someone so close to home as company.  
  
In between lessons and physical training sessions, Yixing tells him horror stories about trainees who had been indiscreet about their words.  
  
The most terrifying story was the one about two trainees who turned out to be each other’s soulmates. One day they were at practice, and the next, they were gone and uncontactable, as if they had never been accepted into the training programme.  
  
“But,” Lu Han asks, “why can’t they just be soulmates and continue as trainees?”  
  
Yixing replies, waving his hand for emphasis, “Imagine you debut and your group becomes super popular. Millions of girls, and probably loads of boys too, just judging by your face, fall in love with you. Then they find out that that you’ve already found your soulmate, and she – or he – is _in the same company_. They’d go crazy. They would feel like their idol has been taken away by someone and you’re no longer available.”  
  
He continues, “it’s kind of almost like you got married before you properly had the time to grow your career. Who wants to have fantasies about this married guy who’s off limits?”  
  
Lu Han had never considered it from this angle before, and nervously spins the numbers on his wrist guard, more relieved than ever that he’s never told anyone in Korea about his words.  
  
“It’s not that bad, though?” Lu Han persists. “I mean they found their _soulmate_. It’s not like the company killed them off or anything.”  
  
“Well. I guess you’re exchanging one dream for another. It just depends on what’s more important to you right now.”  
  
  
  
  
  
In his second week as a trainee, Lu Han is stretching in a practice room with Yixing and a couple of other trainees when he hears shouting from the corridor outside. It gets louder as the person making the ruckus nears.  
  
A young boy with floppy brown hair barrels into the room, shouting in Korean, “where is he! He’s here, right? My soulmate! I know he’s here, I just heard his name from Junmyeon-hyung!”  
  
He stands in the middle of the room looking wildly around, while an older boy, assumedly Junmyeon, follows after him, breathing hard, and saying, “Sehun-ah, you’re causing a disturbance. Wait until their practice session is over before you approach him.”  
  
Lu Han stares as Sehun comes to a dead stop in front of him. The boy is looking at him wonderingly, and he says, his voice barely a whisper, “Lu Han?”  
  
All this happens in a fuzzy haze, because the minute Lu Han made eye contact with the boy, he feels like a door has opened and he’s finally come home. Lu Han’s heard it spoken a million times in his life, but his name on Sehun’s lips fall like rain on parched earth and Lu Han welcomes it, yearns to hear it again. There are no words to describe it, and Lu Han is floored, because no one has ever told him that meeting your soulmate was like finding rest at the end a long, difficult journey.  
  
He runs the name Sehun through his mind and thinks, yes. _Yes_ , the name “Sehun” could definitely fit two out of the three characters burned permanently into his memory.  
  
Sehun fumbles with the catch on his wrist guard and shoves his arm towards Lu Han, saying, “Look, it has to be you, right? I know you’re the one. I can feel it.”  
  
Lu Han wonders why Sehun sounds so tentative as his whole world comes to a standstill when he sees the word “Lu” in Chinese written on Sehun’s wrist, and then. Nothing.  
  
Sehun’s words end in a scar, only his looks like a burn mark, the skin pebbled and dark.  
  
It figures, Lu Han thinks, that his soulmate would have words distorted by a scar too.  
  
He can feel himself smiling as he starts to spin the combination on his wrist guard’s lock when he catches sight of Yixing behind Sehun, looking worried and confused.  
  
He suddenly remembers Yixing’s voice, saying, _I guess you’re exchanging one dream for another. It just depends on what’s more important to you right now._  
  
Everything that he’s resolved to do comes rushing back to him – become an idol, get famous, prove to his parents that he’s not a failure or a disappointment and show that whatever some stupid fortune teller said, he’d never abandon his parents.  
  
He doesn’t want this chance to be taken away from him after he’s worked so hard to get here. Belatedly, he realises he doesn’t even want to think about his parents’ reactions if they find out that his soulmate isn’t a sweet, demure girl who can present them with a troupe of bouncing grandbabies.  
  
Sehun is still standing in front of him with his arm proffered, but his face is now uncertain and worried. He’s biting his lip and Lu Han doesn’t know how he manages to bring himself to do it, but he pushes Sehun’s hand down and says in halting Korean, “I’m sorry. It can’t— But you’re not mine…”  
  
He trails off as Sehun’s face falls and his eyes, previously bright with excitement are now awash with shock, sadness, disappointment.  
  
The thought, unbidden, comes to Lu Han, that he could learn to love this face, which shows all emotions so easily. He can’t help stepping forward to offer comfort, he doesn’t know what, just that he knows he doesn’t want to be the reason Sehun is looking so devastated.  
  
But Sehun flinches and backs away, his face crumpling. He bows quickly and mumbles a barely audible “sorry”, before running out of the room.  
  
Junmyeon bows deeper and makes a more formal apology. He looks like he wants to say more, but the instructor waves him away in understanding.  
  
Lu Han is left alone for the rest of the session to endure considering looks from Yixing and stares from the other trainees.  
  
  
  
  
Lu Han doesn’t see Sehun face to face again for another month.  
  
He sees him around, of course. The company is big, but not that big that trainees can avoid each other forever. They have no scheduled sessions together, however, and each time he walks into the company lounge, if he sees Sehun, all he catches are glimpses of him quickly leaving via the other exit.  
  
It suits Lu Han. He doesn’t want more awkward situations, but he also feels an uneasy sense of something that he tries to pretend is not disappointment.  
  
In between then and now, Lu Han has found out that Sehun’s full name is Oh Sehun, and continues to ignore that the name could potentially fit perfectly into the lines on his wrist. He’s four years younger than him, is the baby of the trainees and is generally adored by all, in spite of a somewhat bratty nature. He also finds out that Sehun was scalded when he was three, just before his words formed, and they never developed properly, too.  
  
He puts Yixing off when he asks Lu Han about it.  
  
“‘Lu’ is a pretty uncommon surname, isn’t it. Are you sure about Sehun? Or did I scare you with my stories? Look, I’m sorry if—”  
  
Lu Han cuts him off. “No, no, you didn’t. I just don’t have a name on my wrist,” he lies. “I was scarred as a baby and you can’t see my words. I just wear a wrist guard so it’s not so obvious. It’s a lot more convenient than having to explain it every single time.”  
  
He feels guilty for not telling the whole truth. It’s not that he doesn’t trust Yixing, they’re practically best friends by now. He’s just not ready to face any possibilities at this time.  
  
When he does meet Sehun again, he’s sitting on the floor, alone in the practice room Lu Han has been told to meet in for a big announcement. He’s leaning against the wall and facing the door but he doesn’t look up immediately when Lu Han opens the door because he’s fiddling with a Rubik’s cube.  
  
Lu Han isn’t sure what to do and is about to back out and wait outside until someone else comes along so he doesn’t have to be in the room alone with Sehun, when Sehun looks up and for the first time, smiles at him.  
  
It’s only the second time he’s had eye contact with Sehun, but it definitely is kind of ridiculous that Sehun just had to look at him the last time, and Lu Han had felt so at ease. Even just turning the simple name, _Oh Sehun, Oh Sehun,_ over in his mind seems to anchor him. But a smile from Sehun is a different matter altogether. Lu Han doesn’t know if he can carry on like this if every time Sehun smiles at him, he’s overwhelmed by how beautiful it is, and how _right_ everything feels.  
  
Not knowing what else to do, he gives himself a mental shake and waves awkwardly at Sehun.  
  
“Hi,” Lu Han says. “Sorry, I didn’t know you were in here. I’m not even sure what this is all about? I can go, if you’re not comfortable with me around?”  
  
“No!” Sehun says a little too loudly. He catches himself, and says again, “no, you should come in. I heard from Junmyeon-hyung that we’re going to be put into a test group to see if we have enough chemistry together to debut? There are twelve of us in total.”  
  
Lu Han’s jaw drops at the news – he’s always had a bit of trouble controlling it – as Sehun continues, “we’ll probably have to get pretty close and I can’t avoid you anymore.”  
  
“So,” he looks at Lu Han, all big eyes and pouty lips, “peace? I promise I won’t bug you about your words. Yixing-hyung told me off about it and I hope you don’t mind that he told me you don’t know your words. He only meant well.”  
  
A tension that Lu Han did not even know he had been feeling seems to fall from his shoulders when he realises Sehun is offering an olive branch, and he smiles as he steps further into the room.  
  
“Of course.” He says. “It’s my fault too. I’m sorry I didn’t handle it better, I was just kind of taken aback.”  
  
Lu Han settles himself on the floor next to Sehun and says, “there’s a trick to that, you know.”  
  
Sehun raises an eyebrow at him and hands him the Rubik’s cube. “Knock yourself out, hyung.”  
  
“Be prepared to be amazed.” Lu Han replies, and starts flipping the squares on the cube as fast as he can.  
  
When Yixing and Junmyeon walk in a short while later with the other eight trainees that are to be part of the test group, Lu Han ignores the looks of puzzlement being directed at him as he laughs side by side with Sehun.  
  
  
  
  
Training as a group throws Lu Han together with Sehun a lot. He knows they’re going to be split into two groups eventually, but for the present, everything is done together as twelve.  
  
Understandably, Lu Han gets close really quickly to the other two Chinese trainees besides Yixing, and he loves having the bunch of them to chat with in his native language, while laughing at each other as they practice Korean as well.  
  
What he doesn’t anticipate, is getting along very well with Sehun. Actually, that’s not true, he thinks to himself. Lu Han could tell from the start that he was going to click with Sehun. Besides the whole eye-contact-with-Sehun-making-Lu-Han-feel-things-he’s-not-ready-to-admit-to-himself thing, Sehun is easy-going, he shares the same kind of humour that Lu Han has, and has lots of similar interests. His propensity to lapse into banmal with older members that he’s close to also fits with Lu Han’s natural tendency to forget about the age hierarchy in Korea.  
  
Lu Han did think, though, that he would have better discipline at distancing himself from the kid, but Sehun’s determination to make amends for their initial awkward first meeting is a force to be reckoned with.  
  
“Hyung, let’s go get bubble tea together.”  
  
“Hyung, did you try the new choreography Jaewon-hyung showed us yesterday? Let’s practise together!”  
  
“Hyung, can I borrow your jacket please?”  
  
“Hyung, I saved you some snacks that Seunghwan-hyung brought back from Japan before Chanyeol and Baekhyun walloped them all.”  
  
He’s kind of like an overgrown puppy, always eager to please and hanging on to every word that Lu Han says. It’s so endearing that Lu Han finds it really hard to say no to him.  
  
  
  
  
  
Lu Han finds, in time, that while Sehun may be the youngest, he’s one of the most hardworking, too.  
  
He’s also always taking the time to ask how everyone is doing, telling the members that if there are any frustrations, it’s better to let it out than to allow misunderstandings to grow. He checks in on Junmyeon and Yifan, to make sure they’re not taking on too much as leaders, he’s a good listening ear to Jongin and Yixing, and never fails to make Kyungsoo laugh.  
  
It’s easy to like him and Lu Han feels that they’re really lucky to have him as a maknae. He doesn’t get to pull the hyung card often with Sehun, or at least, he doesn’t feel the need to, but there are times when Sehun acts like a stubborn kid and Lu Han feels like he has to step in.  
  
It happens once, when he’s watching Sehun practice a dance by himself, and he notices that Sehun is favouring his wrist.  
  
After watching him for a while more, it’s clear that Sehun isn’t feeling great and he gets up to stop the music.  
  
He takes Sehun by the arm and pulls him towards the mirror where the light is brighter and inspects his wrist. It doesn’t look good. His arm is already starting to swell up and the skin is puffy around his wrist guard.  
  
In the half year that they’ve grown close, Sehun has never brought up the topic of Lu Han’s words again. Lu Han had got so content with having Sehun around that the times he thinks of his soulmate – is it Sehun, or is it not? Does it even matter? – are few and far between.  
  
Lu Han is suddenly confronted with the issue again as he looks at Sehun’s wrist guard, but he knows it’s best for him to remove it until the swelling subsides.  
  
“I think you should take it off,” he says.  
  
Sehun looks at him, and just shakes his head.  
  
Lu Han runs a hand through his hair, not sure how to deal with a recalcitrant Sehun. “Sehun-ah, you’re going to risk permanent damage if you leave your wrist guard on while you’re injured like this. As it is, you shouldn’t have been practising at all! What were you thinking?”  
  
Sehun is defiant. “But they want us to showcase our best performances before we get split into two groups. I can’t make any mistakes now.”  
  
“All the more reason not to overwork yourself like this. Now, take your wrist guard off.”  
  
“I don’t want to,” Sehun says. “I don’t want you to see my words again. Not if it’s going to remind you that you don’t have yours.”  
  
Lu Han is not expecting that as a reason. It’s… unexpectedly sweet and thoughtful, and he feels a stab of guilt for allowing Sehun to go on believing in that convenient lie. For lack of a good response, he walks to the fridge in the practice room and takes out a bottle of ice water to place against Sehun’s wrist.  
  
“Okay,” he says, when he’s back and offers Sehun the bottle. “It’s really not a big deal to me, but I’ll leave first if it makes you feel better. In exchange, I expect you to remove the wrist guard once I’m gone. Ice your wrist with the bottle and go get one of the managers to bring you to a doctor to get it looked at.”  
  
Sehun doesn’t answer, but he nods his head, a movement so minute Lu Han almost misses it.  
  
Satisfied, he turns to leave, but Sehun suddenly tugs on his hand and says, “I’m glad you care, hyung. Sometimes, you don’t respond when I try to get close to you. It’s hard to tell if you care about me at all.”  
  
Lu Han is confused.  
  
“Sehun-ah, what makes you think I don’t care about you? You know I always have time for you. What brought this on?”  
  
Sehun’s ears are red, and he refuses to meet Lu Han’s eyes.  
  
“But you never treat me differently!” He bursts out. “You’re so nice to everyone. You may let me tag along with you everywhere but you’ll also accompany Zitao in a heartbeat if he’s too scared to go to the bathroom alone, or go play football with Minseok-hyung if he needs a partner.”  
  
“I know I’m not your soulmate, but I don’t want to just be like everyone else to you. You’re nice even to the trainees who came in just last week and you’ve known me for so much longer.”  
  
He’s pouting by now, and Lu Han feels this ridiculous feeling of fondness well up in him that Sehun is getting so upset simply because he wants more affection. He sometimes forgets that he’s still just a boy.  
  
He smiles and takes Sehun’s hands in his own. “Sehun, look at me,” he says.  
  
Lu Han keeps silent until Sehun finally looks up, and continues, “Let me tell you right now, that you are very special to me. I’m sorry that you think I don’t care, but I do care very much about you and I’ve grown so used to having you around that if you suddenly disappeared, I’d be really upset. You’re worth more than dozen soulmates I’ve never met, okay?”  
  
Sehun suddenly hiccups and bursts into tears. Alarmed, Lu Han asks, “what did I say wrong?”  
  
Sehun says, his voice rather watery, “you didn’t say anything wrong, hyung. I’m just so happy right now. I’m sorry if I said some stupid things, but I don’t regret any of it.  
  
He sniffles and starts digging in his pocket for a tissue but yelps when he knocks into his injured wrist.  
  
“Here, let me get that.”  
  
Lu Han helps Sehun unlock his wrist guard and holds the bottle to his wrist.  
  
They end up sitting on the floor of the practice room, Sehun curled up into Lu Han’s side, as they wait for his tears to die down before going to look for one of the managers.

 

 

Something changes after that, as if Sehun feels like he’s been given permission to get even closer to Lu Han.  
  
It starts out small, with him doing little things like helping Lu Han grab a towel after a physical training session, or making coffee for him in the morning.  
  
Lu Han doesn’t notice it at first, until Sehun starts waiting for Lu Han to go back together, even after they get split into M and K and their practice timings are no longer always the same. He starts to pick up some Chinese and if Lu Han doesn’t have the time, he would bug Yixing or Yifan to help him. He transitions to calling Lu Han “Lu-ge” when he learns the Mandarin equivalent of “hyung”. When they’re apart, Sehun would text him non-stop in a charming mix of Korean and romanised Chinese until Lu Han has to wonder if he’s even getting any work done at the company.  
  
Sehun also graduates from casual touches on the shoulder to a hand resting on the small of Lu Han’s back. What used to be a friendly hand on Lu Han’s knee is now a warm palm high up on Lu Han’s thigh when they’re sitting together watching TV.  
  
Lu Han is touchy by nature, and he starts to reciprocate. Too often, he finds himself buying clothes for Sehun simply because he thinks they suit him, or dragging him to the M van so they can carry on the conversation they were having. When he discovers that Sehun is really ticklish under his chin, what starts out as a joke to tease Sehun quickly becomes a thing between them when Lu Han realises he doesn’t let anyone but Lu Han touch his chin.  
  
When Lu Han is being honest with himself, he thinks about what they have. He loves every single member in the group, the dynamics that they share when they’re altogether, and he’s looking forward to see what they’ll achieve after debut. Yet he knows Sehun is special to him. They gravitate towards each other and there’s something peculiar about their friendship that he can’t name.  
  
A nagging voice at the back of his head sometimes tells him he shouldn’t be encouraging Sehun, but in time, he realises Sehun has become so important to him that it’s no longer a choice between confirming his soulmate’s identity and chasing a dream. It’s a matter of potentially losing a close and irreplaceable friend.  
  
The weight of the words on his wrist are a burden. He feels like the chance to bring it up and put it behind them has been lost. Instead Lu Han keeps his knowledge to himself, hides it behind a frenzied schedule of work and preparation, deciding that he’ll deal with it when the time comes that it can no longer be ignored.  
  
Ultimately, Lu Han thinks, it’s no big deal if this is what having a soulmate is all about – companionship, comfort, affection. They already have that bond between them and it doesn’t need to be clouded by taboos and titles.  
  
  
  
  
The kicker comes when they all move into a new apartment and despite the assigned rooms, Sehun manages to wheedle Minseok into switching rooms with him so he can room with Lu Han.  
  
Lu Han watches in amusement as Sehun comes and dumps his stuff on one of the beds and tells Minseok that he’s better off just rooming with Junmyeon because if not, he’s going to have to deal with Sehun in his room almost 24/7 anyway, talking late into the night even when Minseok is trying to sleep.  
  
Lu Han watches Minseok weigh the pros and cons in his mind and he can see the exact moment Sehun’s argument sinks in. Minseok sighs as he grabs some of his stuff and says, “alright, you win. But you’re going to have to help me bring my things to your room.”  
  
Sehun crows in triumph and grabs Minseok in a bear hug. “That would be your room now, hyung, not mine. Let’s go!”  
  
He picks up two of Minseok’s bags and lugs them towards the corridor, yelling, “be back soon, Lu-ge!”  
  
Lu Han laughs to himself and starts to shovel clothes into the wardrobe when he realises Yixing is standing in the doorway.  
  
“Hey,” he says. “What’s up? All settled in already?”  
  
Yixing comes in and closes the door. He looks like he doesn’t really want to be here, and Lu Han immediately feels a jolt of apprehension. All the same, Yixing takes a deep breath and says, “Are you sure that’s wise, Lu Han?”  
  
Lu Han doesn’t insult Yixing by trying to pretend that he has no idea what he’s is talking about.  
  
He turns to face Yixing and says, “It’s fine. Sehun knows not to expect anything.”  
  
Yixing doesn’t say anything, just considers him like he doesn’t know what else to say.  
  
Lu Han scrubs his face in frustration. “We’re friends, Yixing. Just _friends_. I like his company, he likes mine. We know we can’t ever be anything more than friends. Is that good enough for you?”  
  
“I just don’t want you guys to be hurt. Look, you’re one of my best friends, Lu Han.” Yixing pleads. “Debut is coming up really soon and I don’t want anything to hurt your chances of having it go smoothly.”  
  
Lu Han feels bad at once. He knows Yixing is just concerned about him, and rightly so. He wishes he could come clean to everyone now and lift this secret from his shoulders, but they’ve come too far and worked too hard to get here, on the cusp of debut, for him to ruin it for everyone.  
  
“You’re right. I’m sorry,” he says. “I’ll be careful, and I’ll make sure to keep Sehun in line too.”  
  
Yixing nods and is about to hug Lu Han when Sehun bursts back into the room  
  
“Oh! You’re here, hyung.”  
  
“Yes, just checking that you’re not bullying Lu Han into giving you the bigger bed,” Yixing teases.  
  
Sehun makes a face at Yixing. “I would never. I’m the best to Lu-ge! Come help me bring the rest of Minseok-hyung’s bags to his room please?”  
  
Yixing allows himself to get dragged out again and Lu Han is left to deal with his own thoughts.  
  
  
  
  
Lu Han makes good on his word and while he still spends lots of time together with Sehun, he is careful to make sure it’s not usually alone.  
  
He doesn’t want to hurt Sehun, although he’s not sure how he can possibly distance himself without doing so, but he tries to be as subtle as possible. He lets Sehun cling to him as he always does, but when he finds the chance, he would slip out from under Sehun’s arm comfortably slung around his neck, and he stops sliding his hand into Sehun’s jacket pocket when they walk together.  
  
Lu Han thinks he’s doing a pretty good job at not being obvious, until Sehun corners him in their room one night.  
  
He doesn’t beat about the bush and asks, straight out, “Lu-ge, why are you avoiding me?”  
  
Lu Han licks his lips and thinks that he probably should’ve have the foresight to think up some excuses beforehand.  
  
“I’m not avoiding you,” is all he replies instead.  
  
“Don’t lie to me, please! I can tell when you’re not telling the truth. You always bite your lip and look to the right.”  
  
As Lu Han is currently biting his lip and looking to the right, he has nothing to say.  
  
Sehun continues, “I’ve watched you for so long, ge. I _know_ you. What did I do to make you avoid me? Or did one of the hyungs talk to you?”  
  
Sehun’s guess is so accurate that Lu Han doesn’t see much point in denying it any longer, so he says, “it’s really nothing. You didn’t do anything wrong. But since you ask, yes, people have been talking—”  
  
“Who has? What is it to them? We haven’t done anything bad!” Sehun interrupts.  
  
Lu Han sits on the bed so he doesn’t have to face Sehun, all nervous energy and young, eager indignance.  
  
“Sehun-ah,” he says, “someone just brought it up to me that maybe it won’t look good if we’re too close. You never know what the managers might say or report. While not everyone knows what is or isn’t on my wrist, lots of people know what’s on yours and they can, and will, make assumptions.”  
  
Sehun continues to pace the room and Lu Han watches him in silence.  
  
“It’s not fair.” He finally says softly. “Why can’t we just love who want to love? Why are there restrictions, and destinies, and soulmate words? Who is to say that I won’t find someone to love who may not be my soulmate? What happens then?”  
  
He turns to Lu Han in mute appeal, and Lu Han is shocked to see Sehun’s eyes are shiny with tears. He can’t bear to see Sehun so upset and holds his hands out to him for comfort.  
  
Sehun hesitates at first, but as Lu Han continues to offer his hands, he finally goes over and tugs Lu Han up into a standing position.  
  
Lu Han is suddenly enveloped in the smell of warm, soft Sehun – his freshly-washed hair, the hint of powder, and something just quintessentially _Sehun_ – as he is pulled into a fierce hug.  
  
Sehun holds him tight and buries his face in Lu Han’s neck. Lu Han can feel a few hot tears drip down into his shirt collar as he rubs soothing circles up and down Sehun’s back.  
  
“Hey,” he says. “Shhh, it’s okay. It’s not the end of the world. We can figure something out.”  
  
Sehun pulls away to wipe his tears and gives Lu Han a weak smile. It seems like the most natural thing in the world for Sehun, then, to lean down and kiss him.  
  
Lu Han sees it coming but doesn’t try to do anything to avoid it. It just feels right, and in that moment, all the rational reasons for keeping Sehun at a distance fall away and he moves to meet Sehun halfway.  
  
The moment their lips touch, it’s both electric and comforting, and he wonders if Sehun feels the same way too. It’s equal to what he experienced when he first met Sehun, like he’s come home, and he’s right where he belongs. Lu Han thinks he could go on forever just like this.  
  
  
  
  
Sehun is shy at first, but when Lu Han doesn’t push him away and instead brings his arms up around Sehun’s neck, he gets bolder and cups a hand to Lu Han’s jaw to draw him closer. They go on kissing like that, sweetly and gently, until Lu Han gets frustrated and starts nibbling on Sehun’s lower lip so that he opens up and Lu Han can lick into his mouth, teasing.  
  
Sehun rears back like he’s stung when Lu Han’s tongue connects with his, and then he’s pushing Lu Han down onto the bed, kissing him deeply, sucking on his tongue and making desperate, breathless sounds as Lu Han kisses back.  
  
Just kissing Sehun alone is so amazing, Lu Han can’t wait to touch him. He unwraps a hand from Sehun’s neck and glides it under his shirt, skimming lightly over the hint of muscle at his abdomen and continuing up to his chest until he finds a nipple. Sehun groans as Lu Han tweaks his nipple and disengages himself again.  
  
He’s straddling Lu Han and Lu Han can feel himself half-hard against Sehun when he sits up. Sehun brushes the back of his hand against his eyes and says, barely gasping out the words, “Lu Han. Hyung. Tell me now if you want to stop, because I couldn’t bear it if you pushed me away halfway.”  
  
Lu Han can’t help himself, he lifts his hips and rocks against Sehun’s ass, once, twice, as an answer. “Yes,” he says, “Sehun, _come on_.”  
  
He sits up and dislodges Sehun so he can undress, nudging Sehun to do the same. He’s gratified when Sehun doesn’t move but just stares in wonder as he pulls off his shirt and shucks his sweatpants, taking off his boxers along with them.  
  
He looks for so long that Lu Han has to give Sehun a little kick before he’s galvanised into action, shimmying out of his clothes in record time and then it’s Lu Han’s turn to stare.  
  
Sehun’s body is, for lack of a better word, beautiful. He’s still young, but Lu Han can tell he’s only going to grow even taller and bulk up. They see each other in various states of undress every day, what with the need to share bath times and bedrooms, but it’s different seeing Sehun in this light. Lu Han drinks it all in, from his broad shoulders and the lightly-defined lines of his pectorals down to well-muscled thighs and his—. Well, Lu Han thinks. Sehun is everywhere in proportion.  
  
When he finally looks back at Sehun’s face, he’s smirking and Lu Han would hit him if it were not so urgent to kiss him again instead. He leans back, pulling Sehun along with him so they can make out against the pillows. He lets Sehun run his hands all over his stomach and his chest and his arms, his body lighting up at Sehun’s touch.  
  
Lu Han isn’t happy to leave the touching to Sehun alone. He walks his fingers down Sehun’s spine to grab a handful of Sehun’s ass and squeezes, making Sehun arch like a cat into his touch, butt high in the air and his face pressed against Sehun’s chest. Lu Han continues kneading until he feels a hot, wet tongue swipe up his breastbone and looks down to see Sehun grinning up at him.  
  
“You keep that up and this is going to be over too soon, Lu-ge” Sehun says, and starts leaving open-mouthed suckling kisses across his chest until he reaches Lu Han’s right nipple and sucks hard.  
  
Lu Han is fully hard by now and judging by whatever is nudging his thigh insistently, so is Sehun. He wraps his legs around Sehun’s waist and pushes up against him, urging him upwards so that Sehun is pressing him back against the sheets. It’s like they fit perfectly, and they belong together, and in the intoxicating headiness of their physical contact, he feels a deep-seated need to tell Sehun the truth about his words.  
  
Lu Han’s words are muffled by Sehun kissing him again, sliding his tongue, wet and slippery, into his mouth, as he wraps a warm, callused hand around Lu Han’s cock. Lu Han jerks his hips and lets Sehun tug on his cock a few times before he sits up and starts jacking Sehun off too.  
  
Sehun comes like that, his legs tangled up with Lu Han’s, Lu Han working his cock in his fist and mouthing against the soft skin on his neck. He falls forward and rests his forehead on Lu Han’s shoulder as he shivers through his orgasm, all the while babbling, “I love you, Lu Han, I love you.” Lu Han rubs out the last of Sehun’s come and gently pushes him back down on the bed, Sehun in a daze of bliss and contentment. He pushes himself up on knees and leans over Sehun, the come on his hand mixing with the pre-come on his own cock as he jerks himself off, all the while locking eyes with Sehun until he finally spills onto his chest.  
  
Lu Han drops to the bed, half on top of Sehun, and just lies there for a while, breathing in sync with Sehun. Eventually, he gets up to wipe his hand on Sehun’s shirt and uses it to mop up the mess on Sehun and himself too. He’s quiet just as Sehun is quiet, thinking through how mind-blowing a quick handjob can be with the right person.  
  
Lu Han has fooled around with a few girls and one guy since coming to Korea, but nothing can come close to what he’s just had with Sehun. He’s not sure that he’s supposed to feel like he’s just been flying and he thinks he _may_ have blacked out with pleasure for half a second when he came, all this just from sex with Oh Sehun.  
  
He sighs and snuggles up to Sehun, whose eyelids are already drooping, and as he lets sleep claim him, he hears Sehun say again, “Lu Han, I love you.”  
  
  
  
  
Lu Han wakes a short while later to a contented feeling of warmth, and he lets himself drowse next to Sehun, the weight of Sehun’s arm sprawled across his chest comforting and just _right_.  
  
When he eventually wakes fully, he watches Sehun sleep. He knows a fond smile is tugging on the corner of his lips.  
  
“Ya, Oh Sehun,” he says. “Don’t you dare slobber on my bed, you little punk. You know I don’t let just anyone on my bed, so you’d better not let any drool touch my pillow.”  
  
Sehun opens his eyes and stretches.  
  
“Really?” He says. “I think after what we just did, you should be a lot more worried than just saliva, Lu-ge.”  
  
Lu Han screams in mock horror and tackles him, but he’s quickly flipped over and Sehun has him pinned to the bed, one hand easily holding both of Lu Han’s wrists above his head.  
  
He leans in for a kiss and Lu Han responds eagerly. They’re about to embark on round two, when Sehun starts to play with the combination lock on his wrist guard and at the same time, Jongdae knocks on the door of their room and shouts, “Lu Han, Sehun? You guys in there? Wanna head out for supper?”  
  
The gravity of what he’s just done comes crashing down around Lu Han. He rips his hands from Sehun’s hold and stands quickly, searching for his shirt.  
  
Sehun gets up after him quickly, saying, “Wait— Lu-ge, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have touched your wrist guard. I didn’t mean anything!”  
  
Lu Han shakes his head. “It’s not your fault,” he whispers, suddenly drained and tired. “I shouldn’t have encouraged you. You know we can’t.”  
  
Sehun looks stricken, his face a mask of devastation. But he nods sadly in agreement. “I knew you didn’t want to start anything that may affect our careers and I knew you wouldn’t want to fool around with someone who isn’t your soulmate. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have started something knowing that it won’t – can’t – last.”  
  
Lu Han doesn’t respond but Sehun stands there for a few moments, looking at him pleadingly, like he’s still hoping that Lu Han might change his mind and say, no, it’s okay, let’s do this together.  
  
When several heartbeats pass and it’s clear that Lu Han isn’t going to say anything else, he grabs a new shirt from the cupboard and dresses as quickly as he undressed, then quietly slips out of the room.  
  
Lu Han is left alone in a whirl of self-recrimination. He knows he should have stopped – as the older one, as the one that Yixing spoke to, as the one who cares the most about not hurting Sehun – he should have been more responsible and he feels his eyes start to prickle as he fights tears of anger. So much for “I’ll be careful”, he thinks.  
  
  
  
  
Lu Han wakes the next day to the sound of Minseok coming into the room, awkwardly shuffling from leg to leg.  
  
“Sehun says that he thinks it’s better if we switch back to our original rooming,” he says in a rush of words.  
  
Lu Han winces and presses his palms into his eyes to ease the throbbing, trying to think up a suitable reason for why Sehun would suggest such a thing.  
  
“Hey,” Minseok says. “It’s okay. He didn’t tell me what happened, but he didn’t seem angry or anything. It just sounded like he thought we’d focus better this way, especially since our schedules hardly overlap anymore.”  
  
Lu Han nods and croaks out, “sure. Need any help moving back in?” He hopes Minseok will assume his voice is thick with sleep, and not anything else. Like crying, maybe.  
  
“Nah, it’s alright. I got this,” Minseok answers, and goes out to grab his stuff.  
  
If any of the other members notice anything out of the ordinary, or think it’s weird that Sehun is no longer stuck to Lu Han’s side like a barnacle, they don’t say very much about it. Lu Han is grateful for Yixing who knows something must have happened, but he doesn’t press him and helps him field most of the questions instead.  
  
Debut is almost upon them, and their schedules are packed with practice, teaser filming, photoshoots, lessons on how to interview well – the list is neverending. He hardly talks to Sehun, hardly has to with how busy they are, but he tries to act as normally as possible with him when they are together.  
  
It’s difficult because Sehun wears his heart on his sleeve, the same as when he burst into the practice room where they first met more than a year ago, and Lu Han wants to apologise every time he meets Sehun’s sad eyes. He wants to say, _let’s go back to before_ , but he knows it’s not possible to forget every touch and kiss and “I love you”, so he says nothing.  
  
  
  
  
Lu Han has no time to dwell on how much he misses Sehun’s constant presence like a phantom limb, or think about how badly he’s messed up, until he’s confronted with the issue head on in the form of a new Chinese trainee who joins the company.  
  
Her name is Wang Lu, and he meets her a week after she officially starts. When he introduces himself, she lights up and says, in pleasantly-accented Korean, “Oh! Lu Han-sunbaenim! I’ve heard so much about you from Sehun-sunbaenim. It’s very nice to finally meet you.”  
  
Lu Han is confused. Why would Sehun be talking to a new trainee about him when they’re still not really on talking terms?  
  
He suddenly thinks to ask, “How do you write the Lu in your name?” When she tells him that it’s the character for deer, the same as his, Lu Han feels his whole body suddenly grow cold and his skin turn to goose flesh.  
  
Over the next couple of weeks, he’s treated to the sight of Sehun hanging out with Wang Lu any bit of free time they have on their schedule. Lu Han has never felt so frustrated in his life. He knows he has no right to say anything, not him, the one who’s lied to Sehun all along, and is lying still, about his words, but at the same time, he wants to accost Sehun and tell him he’s barking up the wrong tree.  
  
He knows it can’t be right, because her name is Wang Lu, and the scar that crosses Sehun’s wrist blurs out the character after the “Lu”, not before, but he worries anyway.  
  
His worry grows when he overhears Sehun saying to Jongin, “I don’t even know why you’re asking me this question. You know what my type is and how that ended.”  
  
“What,” says Jongin. “You mean big-eyed, too pretty to live, and Chinese?”  
  
Sehun responds, dryly, “That’s right, my type.”  
  
“Maybe it’ll work out if you try again?”  
  
That’s when Lu Han realises he doesn’t really want to hear Sehun gush about his new potential soulmate and clears his throat to make his presence known.  
  
The two fall apart and Jongin shoots him a sheepish look, like he knows he’s been caught talking about Lu Han, but the other members start streaming in and no one says anything about it again.  
  
  
  
  
  
When they finally get teaser assignments, Lu Han finds that he’s supposed to film a cross country journey with Sehun, which will eventually be included in one of their music videos. It involves a six-hour car ride outside of Seoul and Lu Han dreads having to spend such a long time with Sehun, and no other members. He’s not sure that the manager driving is going to be much help in breaking the awkward silence that is sure to blanket the entire trip.  
  
On the day of filming, Lu Han reaches the van first, and climbs in to wait for Sehun nervously. He thinks sadly how far they’ve fallen, where in the past, a trip with the two of them would be one to look forward to, full of laughter and good memories, but now, it’s only fills Lu Han with apprehension. Worst of all, he only has himself to blame for this situation.  
  
He looks up when the door opens and Sehun clambers in. Lu Han smiles and says hi, and Sehun smiles back. It’s a smile Lu Han remembers well, tiny hint of his canines showing, and he thinks maybe it won’t be so bad after all. Yet, Sehun doesn’t take out his earphones and when the car starts up, he pulls his hoodie up so it shadows his face and settles down to sleep.  
  
They spend the entire ride in silence and things don’t get better when filming starts. Lu Han is tired and awkward, and they keep having to do retakes because he’s making mistakes or not giving the producer what he wants.  
  
Sehun isn’t much better. He gets called out twice for zoning out and not hearing the staff’s instructions. They are so unnatural together that eventually one of the managers calls a halt to filming and takes them aside to give them half an hour alone to work out whatever it is that is obviously bugging them. He warns them that they better get their act together because they can’t afford to have to drive all the way out again for another day of filming.  
  
  
  
  
Lu Han doesn’t really know what to do once the manager leaves them alone. He and Sehun have not even acknowledged that they’ve been distant with each other, how is he supposed to resolve whatever is between them?  
  
Just like the way a kid picks at a scab that isn’t completely dry yet, Lu Han chooses the one topic that he knows is definitely not going to improve things but can’t resist it anyway.  
  
“You’ve been really close to Wang Lu lately, huh?” He asks.  
  
Sehun looks up from where he is inspecting his nails, and says, “Mmm. She’s really sweet and easy to talk to.”  
  
Something akin to rage, red hot and fiery, surges through him, and he says maliciously, “You should be careful with how much time you spend with her. You know how vicious some of the other trainees can be. You may be exposing her to a lot of unnecessary gossip and giving her hope that she shouldn’t have.”  
  
He’s as shocked as Sehun is the moment the words leave his mouth.  
  
Sehun is staring at him, incredulous, and he says, his voice growing louder with mounting anger, “Are you even for real, Lu Han? _You’re_ telling me about unnecessary gossip and false hopes?”  
  
Lu Han blanches. He doesn’t know why he said that, all he knows is that he couldn’t bear hearing Sehun speak fondly about someone else. It was like something elemental had kicked in and stirred a possessive streak in him.  
  
He tries again, calmer, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said it like that. It’s just that she’s not for you, Sehun-ah. She’s not the one. I know you’re drawn to her because of the words on your wrist, but she’s not your soulmate.”  
  
Sehun, if anything, gets even angrier.  
  
“How do you know?” He’s almost shouting and Lu Han hopes no one is standing outside to overhear them.  
  
“How do you know I won’t find happiness with her? How dare you tell me who’s for me and who isn’t when you know that all I ever wanted was you! It’s so tiring to be with you, Lu Han. Always wanting you but never being able to have you.  
  
“Well, maybe she’s my soulmate, and maybe I’ll learn to be happy with her, and I can finally stop chasing an unattainable goal.”  
  
Sehun’s shouting rings in the tiny confines of the room, and then all is quiet, the only sounds coming from Sehun breathing heavily, almost panting with fury. All the noise of the world seems to well up in Lu Han’s head in the silence and then he’s shouting, too, the words spewing out of his mouth like an uncontrollable force.  
  
“Because you are _mine_. You are mine and I am yours, and no one, _no one_ is going to come between us!”  
  
Then he’s fumbling with the lock on his wrist guard, spinning the numbers to get the correct combination, and shoving aside his wrist guard to expose it to Sehun.  
  
“Look at it, Sehun, there is your name. I was scared, and I was stupid, _so_ stupid, but put together the characters and make a smart guess, and that is your name. Your name, written on my wrist, and it will never ever go away just like my name on your wrist will never go away. You’re mine, Oh Sehun.”  
  
Sehun stops and looks at him in bafflement, wonder dawning on his face as he looks from the words on Lu Han’s wrist to his face and back to his wrist again. He steps forward and takes Lu Han’s arm, cradling it like it’s a precious thing, and presses his lips to the words.  
  
He still hasn’t said anything, but just traces the black characters with a finger, filling in the broken spaces left by the scar and finally, saying, “Oh. Se. Hun.”  
  
“That’s my name, Lu-ge. That’s my name on your wrist,” he says, his voice hushed with awe.  
  
Sehun takes off his own wrist guard and places his arm next to Lu Han’s. Lu Han looks at the words properly for the first time. It’s his own handwriting, his surname in black indelible ink on Sehun’s wrist.  
  
He writes the Chinese character for “Han” in the space where it should be on Sehun’s wrist, drawing on top of the scar tissue. “And that’s my name,” he says, “on your wrist.”  
  
Sehun looks at Lu Han again, his face breaking into that familiar, huge genuine smile that Lu Han hasn’t seen in ages. He reaches for Lu Han and pulls him into a long, tight hug, and Lu Han sinks into it in relief, the weight of his secret finally lifted.  
  
When Sehun eventually lets go, he asks, hurt colouring his voice slightly, “But why couldn’t you tell me this earlier? Why did we have to go through so much pain first?”  
  
Lu Han flushes and reaches to fiddle with his wrist guard, but remembers that he’s taken it off.  
  
Haltingly, he starts to tell Sehun about his childhood and the late development of his words, which even then, came out funny.  
  
Lu Han is afraid that Sehun would get angry again and he’s relieved that, instead, Sehun’s eyes are filled with compassion when he hears about Lu Han’s parents, their strictures, both spoken and unspoken, and their expectation of his failure.  
  
When he recounts what Yixing told him about soulmate trainees being dropped, Sehun catches his hand and laces their fingers together.  
  
“I thought it would be better not to tell you.” Lu Han says. “I didn’t want to destroy my chance of debuting. Not just mine, but yours too, and possibly the rest of the members. So then I thought we could just be friends, and maybe one day, I could tell you the truth and we could have it all. Our careers, and each other.”  
  
He pauses for a moment and looks at Sehun, searching his eyes for any judgement, but there’s none.  
  
“I didn’t expect it to be so hard. You were so charming and easy-going and I loved being with you. It came to a point that I thought it didn’t matter if you knew the truth, because we were just as close as soulmates should be. I just didn’t expect to fall in love.”  
  
Lu Han lets go of Sehun’s hand and covers his face.  
  
“I’m so sorry, Sehun. I’m so sorry we’ve wasted so much time that we could have spent together.”  
  
Sehun shushes him and reaches for him again. He drops a kiss on Lu Han’s forehead, on each of his eyelids, his nose, and finally his lips. They kiss like that for a while, the touch meant more to comfort than to arouse.  
  
As Lu Han lets himself rest in Sehun’s embrace, revelling in a happiness that is no longer tainted by guilt, he allows Sehun to touch him all over, as if he needs to make sure that Lu Han is really there in his arms. He pat Lu Han’s cheeks and runs his hands up and down his spine, and Lu Han submits happily, absently thinking about how everything has changed so quickly, and worrying about how to break the news to the group.  
  
  
  
  
Eventually, Lu Han realises that Sehun’s hands are wandering with intent when he slides both hands inside the back of Lu Han’s jeans and pulls him flush against his front.  
  
He bats Sehun away, pretending to be shocked and says, scandalised, “There are people outside! What are you doing!”  
  
Sehun just grins. “I think it’s pretty obvious.”  
  
He relents when Lu Han rolls his eyes at him and says, “Not now, Sehun. We’ve got to think of what we’re going to say.”  
  
“It’s alright. We’ve got each other,” Sehun says and squeezes his shoulder for emphasis. “Let’s just take one day at a time. I’m sure your parents will eventually realise what a wonderful son-in-law they’ll be gaining.”  
  
Lu Han hums in agreement, although he’s not so sure about that, but he’s more concerned with the immediate situation.  
  
“No, silly. I meant, what do we do about the members. Should we tell them?”  
  
“Oh, them.” Sehun says dismissively, as if it’s no big deal. “To be honest, Yixing-hyung’s told me before that he hopes we end up being each other’s soulmates, anyway. He thinks that having no words doesn’t mean you don’t have a soulmate, it just means that you can choose one. I guess that doesn’t matter now.”  
  
A laugh is startled out of Lu Han. “What! He said that?”  
  
“Yup, he said we’re even better at playing star-crossed lovers than Romeo and Juliet, and Baekhyun-hyung happened to overhear and agreed. So I think the general consensus in the group is that it’s better when we’re sickly sweet together, than moping apart, and I doubt they’re going to complain about us being together.”  
  
“Wait,” Lu Han says, “why were you even talking about this to Yixing! He never said a word to me and he’s supposed to be my best friend.”  
  
It’s Sehun’s turn to turn red and he says, airily, like it doesn’t matter. “Oh, I was just asking him to translate some stuff that Wang Lu told me.”  
  
Lu Han’s eyes narrow and he says, “Like what kind of stuff?”  
  
Sehun regards him warily for a moment, and then bursts out laughing. “Lu-ge, I love your jealous face.”  
  
While Lu Han is sputtering about not being jealous, Sehun continues, “To be honest, I had nothing going on with Wang Lu at all. It’s just that I found out she doesn’t have words on her wrist either, and I wanted to learn more about it. Because of you. Okay?”  
  
Lu Han hides his face against Sehun’s shoulder in mortification and mumbles, “I hate you, Oh Sehun.”  
  
“No, you don’t.” Sehun says. “You finally told me that you fell in love with me. And I have too. I am, I mean. In love with you.”  
  
They end up taking more than half an hour to talk things through, but when they emerge, they’ve so clearly sorted out their differences that their manager doesn’t say anything. When they fly through the filming and everything is finished in one take, the issue is not brought up again.  
  
On the way back to Seoul, Lu Han texts Sehun even though they’re sitting side by side in the car.  
  
_So what are we going to tell the others?_  
  
_The truth, of course! We’re soulmates and we’re also going to be lovers. We’ll buy them all earplugs for Christmas._  
  
There’s a scuffle as Lu Han hits Sehun after reading the text and their manager watches them in consternation through the rearview mirror. They quickly subside, however, and he pays attention to the road again.  
  
_Honestly. Don’t worry, Lu-ge. I’m sure they’ll all support us and keep it from the company._  
  
Lu Han has to be content with that and they soon fall asleep, Sehun tucked against his side.  
  
  
  
  
::::  
  
  
  
  
**_CÉCI KOREA, JULY 2016_**  
  
**COVER EXCLUSIVE: FROM K-POP IDOLS TO BEST FRIENDS TO SOULMATES**  
  
_Catch our exclusive with Oh Sehun and Lu Han from global boyband sensation, EXO, in their first interview together as soulmates._  
  
  
“Indeed it’s EXO” seems to be a fitting phrase to describe the k-pop boyband constantly making inroads upon fans’ hearts all over the world with their hit songs like _Growl, Call Me Baby_ and _Monster_. They are best known for hitting record-high digital and physical album sales, scoring the title “Double Million Seller” for selling more than a million copies of their albums _XOXO_ and _Exodus_ , and they’re gunning to smash that record again this summer with their latest album, _EX’ACT_.  
  
Two years ago, the group made news for something other than their music – they cemented their status as the first-ever k-pop group to have a same-sex soulmate couple. Let’s not talk about same-sex couples, even idols that are hetero soulmates find it hard to admit their relationships publicly, for fear of offending and alienating fans.  
  
The Sehun and Lu Han we meet in a small cafe at Buamdong are quietly but clearly in love, staying strong together even after the storm that was their public coming out. They are not openly touchy-feely in front of us (although we know that they can be) but their love shines through in the comfortable way Lu Han watches Sehun as he talks, his face all smiles, and in the easy, casual way Sehun wraps an arm around Lu Han for support when he admits that he often misses his parents.  
  
We talk to Sehun and Lu Han in the first interview they have given together since confirming their status as soulmates, and find out more about their relationship, their thoughts on idol soulmates, and how they deal with the public scrutiny.  
  
  
**How did the members react when you first told them that you guys were soulmates?**  
  
**Sehun:** Most of them had guessed by the time we admitted it to ourselves. I guess it couldn’t be hidden. We were pretty scared when we broke the news to them, but they were so chill about it that it was almost anticlimactic.  
**Lu Han:** Yeah, they were so amazing. I couldn’t be more thankful for the support that they gave us, especially after we had to declare our relationship officially. We felt so bad at that time, we thought maybe we had ruined the group forever.  
  
  
**You tried to hide your relationship at first. Why?**  
  
**SH:** You see so many “scandals” in the press about idols dating or declaring their soulmates and the subsequent fallout. We were afraid that that would happen to EXO, too, if we said anything. We had discussed giving up being idols before, but we didn’t want to wreck the other guys’ careers. It was a decision that would affect not just the two, but all twelve, of us.  
**LH:** It was really hard to hide. I used to watch each broadcast of any show that we recorded once it had aired, and scold Sehun for being too obvious. We eventually got used to toning it down but it was almost a relief when we were outed.  
  
  
**But EXO was fine after all, right? Your latest album, EX’ACT, is doing really well on the charts.**  
  
**LH:** It was so nerve-wracking. After our company had released the official statement that we were soulmates, we were glued to the comments boards and SNS sites. We wouldn’t feel so bad if it involved only us, but this would have had an impact on the whole of EXO. Our EXO-L are the best, though. They came through for us.  
**SH:** Lu Han’s right, our fans really are the best. There was a minority who couldn’t accept it and we know some of our fansites closed down. But the fans that remained were incredible. What we didn’t expect was to attract new fans for daring to tell the truth. There are even fans who were happier than before we confirmed our relationship.  
  
  
**Do you think it’s fair that fans could possibly get to dictate whether you can acknowledge your soulmate, or not?**  
  
**LH:** I don’t think it’s a matter of fair or unfair. We were really blessed that our fans stood by us, but not everyone has been similarly blessed. It’s a matter of public perception, actually. Almost everyone has a soulmate. It’s normal. Why is it such taboo for idols to acknowledge or find their soulmates? It’s something that we hope to change.  
**SH:** We’re slowly working towards a more open-minded industry. We’ve been talking to our company and other idols to generate more discussion about the topic – there are more idol soulmates than you realise! We hope that with more people talking about the issue openly like this, the public can come to accept us more as well.  
  
  
**How do you cope with the public scrutiny? Any advice to other idol soulmates?**  
  
**SH:** We try not to read too much into public opinion and just do our best as idol artistes. We hope that our coming out will give courage to other idol soulmates who want to acknowledge their partners. Talk things through with your company first, though. Don’t do it in the shocking way that happened to us. Open up to your family and your group too. They were really our strongest supporters through it all.  
  
  
**Speaking of family, Lu Han, how do your parents feel about Sehun now? We heard they were opposed to the relationship at first.**  
  
**LH:** Oh, they love him! In fact, sometimes I think they love him more than me. In all honesty, it was a bit hard at first. It took me very long to muster up the courage to call home after the news broke about us, but Sehun was there with me throughout. My parents have always just wanted the best for me, and once they realised that that best was Sehun, they accepted him into their hearts without reserve. They really dote on Sehun now. When they send care packages over from Beijing, usually more than half the box is filled with stuff for him instead of me.  
  
  
**Tell us more about your relationship. Who wears the pants?**  
  
**SH, LH:** We both do!  
**LH:** Honestly, Sehun gets his way a lot of the time because he’s also the youngest in the group. You’d be surprised, but even D.O., whom I think a lot of fans know is the most no-nonsense of us all, gives in to him all the time. I let him get away with loads, but it’s mostly because I’m so thankful every single day that we can still be together.  
**SH:** Don’t think that Lu Han is a pushover, though. He just needs to give me his evil eye and I’m jumping to attention. I’m the one who does most of the chores at home, all he does is play with our dog and two cats.  
  
  
**Is it difficult being soulmates and also bandmates at the same time?**  
  
**SH:** Sometimes we do have disagreements at home that affect work, and vice versa. It’s not always roses and sunshine, but every time, we’re fully committed to working through our differences. I think it helps that we can truly understand the stress of each other’s jobs since we work together. The toughest part is in balancing our relationship with one another and our relationships with the other members. They used to be scared of offending us if one or the other gets more lines or CFs, but it’s been so long, they’ve come to learn that honesty is always the best way to go.  
**LH:** We had quite a long rough patch at the end of 2013 that lasted for some time. Sehun wanted to tell the company, and I refused. We got through that in the end by communicating openly with each other. Although, I admit, it took us several months to get to a good place again. Looking back, I think we’re better together because of the things we had to go through. We wouldn’t do it any other way even if we had to do it all over again.  
  
  
To conclude the interview, we ask Sehun and Lu Han when did they first realise that they were soulmates. Lu Han whispers something to Sehun and they both laugh shyly, but decline to answer the question.  
  
We’ve compiled a brief timeline with some of their notable official appearances below, from pre-debut to the Dispatch reveal. We leave you to draw your own conclusions.  
  
  
**Soulmates: A timeline**  
  
**Pre-debut 2011-2012:** Teaser photos and a teaser video of Sehun and Lu Han together are released.  
  
**January 2012:** W Korea photoshoot with SM artistes, including Sehun and Lu Han. Behind the scenes videos show them acting very close and comfortably with each other.  
  
**31 March to 1 April 2012:** EXO’s showcases in Seoul and Beijing. Lu Han talks about having the urge to take care of Sehun during the Beijing showcase. On the way to Beijing from Seoul, Lu Han and Sehun are seen linking arms often, and Lu Han protects Sehun from the crowd at the airport.  
  
**April 2012:** EXO-M gives an interview in China, and Lu Han records a video birthday message for Sehun.  
  
**May 2012:** EXO officially embarks on the global SMTown tour, the first of many concerts in which Sehun and Lu Han are practically joined at the hip during non-choreographed stage appearances.  
  
**September 2012:** EXO-K records an interview with Sina. Sehun states on broadcast that he loves Lu Han.  
  
**November 2012-January 2013:** EXO’s first round of the end-of-year music award shows. Lu Han and Sehun are constantly seen whispering to each other non-stop onstage during EXO’s thank-you speeches.  
  
**January 2013:** EXO films for MBC’s Idol Star Athletics Championships. Sehun and Lu Han are reportedly extremely close during the recording.  
  
**June 2013:** EXO holds a series of fansigns. Sehun and Lu Han appear together repeatedly, with Sehun once queueing up to get Lu Han’s autograph.  
  
**September 2013:** EXO participates in MBC’s Idol Star Athletics Championships. Sehun and Lu Han are again always recorded together throughout the event.  
  
**October 2014:** Dispatch releases photos of EXO’s Oh Sehun and Lu Han together by the Han River in what appears to be a confession. The photos includes one of them kissing and states that they were taken circa late 2013. SM Entertainment releases a statement the next day confirming that Sehun and Lu Han are soulmates.

**Author's Note:**

> I take no credit for the fandom soulmate-name-on-your-wrist trope, but I do think the idea of Sehun and Lu Han as soulmates fits them so well. Timelines have been fiddled with to make things work in this fic, but I’ve tried to stay as true to canon as possible (until it becomes impossible by October 2014). Title comes from my current jam, "Oh My Love", by The Score.
> 
> Super huge thanks to H for the amazingly speedy and helpful beta, and huge, HUGE shoutout to V who talked me through this fic every step of the way and helped me to think through Sehun and Lu Han's thought processes and told me not to give up when I felt like I was never going to finish it in time. Last, so so much thanks to the admins of fy-hunhan for putting together [this AMAZING timeline](http://fy-hunhan.tumblr.com/timeline) of Sehun and Lu Han. When I thought up the timeline for this fic, I knew already then that I was going to reference it and it was a really big help.


End file.
